Everything I desire, spiritually and emotionally for myself, is within reach. In due time, I will grasp what is meant for me and hold it close. I will be present on the journey to self and patient with the process. I am full of unconditional love that cannot be matched or dismantled by outside forces. – Alex Elle
Shalom family and friends of the Internet!
Welcome back and thank you for being so patient with me. I know that I’ve been all over the place with the blog this past 18months, but that’s exactly how my life has been. New and exciting things, as well as, not so exciting things have been happening left and right. However, I’m not going to complain — that much. There are two special things I’ve been meaning to share with you all; one just happened and the other I’ve just been holding off until I got the okay from G. So be sure to keep a look out for those posts, coming soon.
So what’s been going on with everyone? Leave a comment below, let’s chat.
I’ve been trying to keep in touch with you guys by updating my Instagram constantly and the responses have been okay, at best. I’m not sure what type of content you all want to see from me or what I want to create even. When I started this thing I wanted it to be a super cool food/recipe blog, but who am I kidding? I barely know my way around the kitchen. The pictures came out nice and it was great practice, but the only thing preventing great blog posts were setting a time to shoot, figuring out what to cook, and remembering to write down the recipes. Soooo, without those three key elements, there was no way a food blog would sustain.
The second option, a lifestyle blog, and not because everyone is doing it, but because it can turn into a great “therapy session.” For example, right now I’m laying in bed, it’s a little after 10 pm, I’m wearing a Grambling tank top and Adidas track pants.
Earlier this evening, I came across Mattie James’ periscope and wondered to myself “why haven’t you updated the blog yet?” I’ve seriously been home the past 3 1/2 weeks doing nothing but cleaning, eating, and applying to jobs. . . That’s it. I seriously get into these moods of not wanting to do anything pertaining to myself. I can help everyone with everything, but when it comes to doing things that I love or things that can benefit me (not selfishly) I fall short. Every. Single. Time. When it comes to this blogging thing I think that I’ve put a pressure on myself to be as great as the people I admire, but they’ve been doing this a lot longer and more consistently than I have.
So why do I continue to fall into these periods of disappointment and guilt? This idea called “The Jonah Complex.” and it is based on the biblical story of Jonah and how he attempted to avoid his destiny. This is incited by my addiction to social media and the FOMO complex. That’s just picking up my phone to scroll aimlessly down my timeline I just saw 10 minutes ago. Seeing others live their lives in what seems to be complete bliss, and I believe it is a huge reason for these spurts of depression and trouble living my truth and finding my own lane.
- I haven’t accomplished enough…
- I’ve missed out on opportunities…
- Such + such is younger than me and is working in his/her field…
- Blah blah has kids…
- Blah blah is working with …
- Oh look, so + so went to Europe… again?
- What am I doing wrong?
- Why haven’t I made it yet?
- When will it be my turn…
Anything sound familiar? That the short list of thoughts run through my mind constantly. And I know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to our peers because we weren’t designed to compete and the cliche “everyone’s journey is different,” but dammit it’s hard when you feel like you’ve done everything “right and in order” and your life should have started already and it hasn’t. This feeling is personal and varies from person to person because I believe that there is someone somewhere wishing that they had my life and that they aren’t measuring up to the person they know they can be. In my opinion, the hardest part about being a 20-something in this day is feeling like you’re too old to not have it together because you’re constantly seeing others “succeeding” before you.
Life is not a race but a journey and what I need to internalize is my journey is my own. I don’t owe an explanation for my choices (or lack thereof) to anyone, but The Most High. I want to be successful in this life and leave a legacy for my children to come, however, the human in me wants/needs to see the map to figure out where I’m going and the only being who has that is the creator.
I should spend less time worrying and more time doing, less speaking and more time listening, less complaining and more time praying because I guarantee the answers have been in front of me the entire time. <3
If you’ve made it this far leave a comment, let me know if you’re struggling and how you’ve overcome. Also, share with your family and friends.
Peace + Love,
